Confidence is not something we are born with and it takes practise to feel confident in life. Many people suffer from imposter syndrome and being insecure about their bodies, it's even harder to feel secure and confident in the bedroom.
Many reasons can cause the lack of confidence: your culture, original familial environment you grown up with, or traumatized experience. Here are 7 easy ways for you to start practising, take baby steps and grow your sex-confidence.
1. Take inventory of your feelings
Journaling about your personal experiences with sex (whether it’s about conversations you’ve had or sexual acts you’ve engaged in) can allow you to gain a 360-view of why you may not feel confident while having sex.
If you have small data base or you don’t feel comfortable doing it, that’s totally ok. Instead, it might be a good idea to reach out to a professional to help you uncover where this lack of confidence is coming from.
2. Get to know yourself on a more intimate level
We’ve mentioned this point before, you need to know yourself. Not just to know what you like to eat, but you need to know yourself on a more intimate level.
Being honest with yourself and not apologizing for it. And because your sexuality is rooted in having a better understanding of yourself, getting to know yourself on a more intimate level can help you build a healthier sexual self-esteem.
3. Safely explore your interest
Discover what works and doesn’t work for your body. How you feel about your body affects your ability to express yourself sexually.
“It’s worth taking time to reflect on how you feel about your body — every part of it. Think about what parts you like and dislike. Are there parts that you feel ashamed of? Reflect on all of it, as a lack of confidence can show up in subtle ways.”
4. Make a list and set boundaries
As you are safely explore your interests, you start to build your list - what you like and don’t like in and out of the bedroom.
It’s easier to create your boundaries before you get into a situation that requires them. Write them down somewhere you can check into them regularly, and don’t let anyone make you do things you don’t appreciate.
5. Communicate honestly about sexuality beforehand with your partner(s)
You will only be able to talk to your partner comfortably about what you want and don’t want when you have a better understanding of your needs, body, history and preferences.
It’s important to communicate before you engage in any sexual act. Again, you need to set up your boundaries, possible shame triggers, and kinks you may feel safe and comfortable doing with your partner(s).
6. Learn to develop routines and habits that'll get you in the mood
Yeah! You’ve finally finished all your research and discovery, now it’s time to create rituals that’ll help you build you confidence with your partner(s) together.
Just like the self-care rituals you do every night, through your exploration, you may discover what instantly works for you and your partner to become aroused more easily and confidently.
Reflection and exploration are the keys to build self-confidence. By listening to what they like and observing their responses, you both can develop routines and habits that’ll safely enhance the sexual experience for both of you.
7. LOVE YOURSELF
Cliche, eh? But it’s true. You can’t love other people until you love yourself.
You and yourself is the first relationship you need to deal with, if it is off all others will suffer regardless of the type of relationship - professional, platonic, romantic or family.
Before you hop into bed with someone else, hop into bed with yourself.
No one says gaining sexual confidence will happen over night and it definitely takes time. Just because you have slept with different people or masturbate a bunch of times, it doesn’t mean you have a good sense of sexual confidence.
If you want a take away from here, it all begins with you.